November 28, 2009. Tags: Amy Sutton, broke-ass weave, Bruce Patman, Cara Walker, date rape, Elizabeth Wakefield, Enid Rollins, Fiction, Hot mess, human trafficking, Jessica Wakefield, Ken Matthews, Lila Fowler, Mr. Collins, NaNoWriMo, religious visions, Ridiculous experiments in fiction, so meta, stuffed Speedo, Sweet Valley, tight pants, Todd Wilkins, unlikely trial, waxed crack, we had a cleaning lady with the same problem, Winston Egbert, WUT. Uncategorized. .
Made it to 50K with time to spare! Thanks for reading (and keeping me accountable for crossing the finish line)!
November 27, 2009. Tags: Fiction, Hot mess, NaNoWriMo, Ridiculous experiments in fiction, rock on. Uncategorized. .
“Oh, that is it!” Elizabeth said angrily, tossing her newborn little boy over her shoulder and hoping Winston would catch him. She scrambled to her feet, walking with purpose toward Satan. “Mr. Satan, I’ll have you know I had absolutely nothing to do with this. I’m Saint Elizabeth fucking Wakefield!”
“You had nothing to do with this?” the devil asked, sweeping his hand to indicate the carnage in the Sweet Valley High parking lot. “Whose idea was it to slaughter hundreds of Big Mesa students by locking them in the gym and blowing it up?”
“Hey, I flashed Randy Mason twenty-two times just so the gym wouldn’t blow up,” Elizabeth countered. “That has to count for something, right?” OMG 666
November 26, 2009. Tags: Bruce Patman, Elizabeth Wakefield, Enid Rollins, Hot mess, Jessica Wakefield, Lila Fowler, Mr. Collins, NaNoWriMo, OMG 666, religious visions, so meta, Sweet Valley, Todd Wilkins. Uncategorized. .
Jessica felt a tight pain in her abdomen and looked down. It took her a minute to remember that she hadn’t just gained 10 pounds and was actually pregnant – and about to give birth!
She pulled herself up into a sitting position, looking around in a daze. The gym had nearly emptied out, with just a few stragglers remaining. “I have to find Elizabeth,” she groaned, clutching at her stomach. “She’ll know exactly what to do.”
Squinting, Jessica caught sight of her twin being led outside, propped up by Enid on one side and Mr. Collins on the other. Elizabeth was struggling against them, trying to turn back toward Jessica, and Jessica knew that despite the fact that she had been a total bitch to Elizabeth all their lives, Elizabeth was trying to get to her twin.
“Elizabeth! I’m over here!” Jessica called loftily. “I need you to come carry me out of here!” Jessica sucks, but she’s still somehow the more appealing Wakefield twin
November 25, 2009. Tags: Amy Sutton, Bruce Patman, date rape, Elizabeth Wakefield, Enid Rollins, Jessica Wakefield, Lila Fowler, Mr. Collins, NaNoWriMo, so meta, Sweet Valley, Todd Wilkins, we had a cleaning lady with the same problem. Uncategorized. .
November 25, 2009. Uncategorized. .
Enid grabbed a girl by her hair and threw a hard knee to her throat. Glancing behind her, she could see that several Big Mesa students had breached the gym. Her first thought was for Elizabeth’s safety.
“I’ve got to get back into the gym,” Enid said, throwing an elbow to a large girl to her right. “Do you guys think you can manage this?”
Todd nodded and punched two guys at once as if to prove his point. Todd punch action in full effect
November 24, 2009. Tags: broke-ass weave, Bruce Patman, Elizabeth Wakefield, Enid Rollins, Jessica Wakefield, Lila Fowler, Mr. Collins, NaNoWriMo, religious visions, so meta, Sweet Valley, Todd Wilkins, WUT. Uncategorized. .
Suddenly, Jessica felt her head being yanked backward by some unseen force. The prom queen crown was ripped from her head with such force it made her yell.
“What the fuck?” Jessica cried, straightening up and placing both hands on the top of her head, which was sensitive from the blow.
“Todd!” Ken cried in surprise.
“You have a lot of nerve, Jessica Wakefield,” Todd said, waving the crown in Jessica’s face. “Wearing the crown that I made to the prom as if you had it in the bag?”
“I fucking do have it in the bag,” Jessica retorted, smoothing down her hair. “I’m a Wakefield twin, remember?” Todd delivers a raging bitchslap
November 23, 2009. Tags: Amy Sutton, Bruce Patman, Elizabeth Wakefield, Enid Rollins, Hot mess, Jessica Wakefield, Ken Matthews, Lila Fowler, NaNoWriMo, Sweet Valley, Todd Wilkins, waxed crack. Uncategorized. .
“Oh,” Lila said condescendingly. “Well, when you see Jessica, tell her to come find me, OK? I can’t wait to show off little Rich!”
“Sure, Lila,” Elizabeth said. “I’ll be sure to tell her.”
Lila turned away, searching for someone else to brag to. She started in Amy’s direction, but Elizabeth caught her arm.
“Lila, wait,” she said. Lila turned a curious eye to her. “After the prom queen is crowned, get out of the gym, OK?”
“Why would I want to do that?” Lila asked. “That’s when the fun will just be getting started!”
“That’s when the fun will just be getting started for Big Mesa,” Elizabeth said darkly.
“What are you planning?” Lila asked, trying to control her voice so it wouldn’t give away the note of fear that sounded in her head like an alarm.
“Let’s just say we took a page from John Pfeifer’s book,” Elizabeth said ominously. Bombs, bombs, bombs
November 23, 2009. Tags: Amy Sutton, Bruce Patman, Elizabeth Wakefield, Enid Rollins, Jessica Wakefield, Ken Matthews, Lila Fowler, Mr. Collins, NaNoWriMo, supernerd, Sweet Valley, Todd Wilkins. Uncategorized. .
“Elizabeth, you did it!” Mr. Collins said, picking up Elizabeth and twirling her around in an inappropriate fashion. “I don’t know how you came up with the religious angle, but it worked perfectly!”
He moved in as if to kiss his star student, but was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder from Mr. Wakefield.
“Mr. Collins, as your attorney, I would strongly advise you not to kiss a 16-year-old girl in the same courtroom where you were just acquitted of child molestation.” Everyone’s ready to pop
November 21, 2009. Tags: Elizabeth Wakefield, Jessica Wakefield, Ken Matthews, Lila Fowler, Mr. Collins, NaNoWriMo, Sweet Valley, Todd Wilkins, unlikely trial. Uncategorized. .
Enid lay in wait under a clump of bushes on the very edge of Big Mesa High School’s parking lot. She would wait until the cheerleaders and football, soccer and tennis players left practice and walked out to their cars, then pick them off one by one. She still had the broken root beer bottle and Elizabeth’s trusty barrette by her side. She’d also sharpened a ballpoint pen into a homemade shank.
She heard a high-pitched giggle and peered out from between the leaves. Two girls with tennis rackets were cutting across the parking lot, laughing and rubbing their ample stomachs. There didn’t seem to be anyone else around. A perfect opportunity to get rid of two at once! Enid thought. She closed a fist around the homemade shank and crept out of the bushes. Enid shanks a bitch, plus an unlikely trial
November 20, 2009. Tags: Bruce Patman, Elizabeth Wakefield, Enid Rollins, homemade shank, human trafficking, Jessica Wakefield, Lila Fowler, Mr. Collins, NaNoWriMo, religious visions, Sweet Valley, unlikely trial. Uncategorized. .
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