Prom Baby! – Word count: 12,711
* * *
Elizabeth awoke with a start. Her sleep had been fitful; she’d tossed and turned the whole night. But the dream she’d had was so vivid, it seemed almost as if it had been real. Elizabeth had had prophetic dreams before. Last time, it was about a psychotic killer who looked just like the twins but with dark brown hair and had a penchant for knives. Elizabeth lay in bed and shuddered with fear, thinking about crazy Margo, who had tried to kill her and take over her identity. And then Margo had a twin, and SHE tried to kill us! Elizabeth thought. What are the fucking chances of that?
But this dream had been different, Elizabeth reminded herself. It was full of hope.
Elizabeth was in her room, putting the finishing touches on her teen pregnancy article, when an angel appeared to her. Oh, shit
Prom Baby! – Word count: 6,660
“We still didn’t find out what boobs are for,” Jessica said thoughtfully, chewing on a french fry. “Hey, Liz, aren’t you going to eat that brownie?” She reached over and snagged the fudge-covered brownie off Elizabeth’s tray. “Aren’t you going to eat any of your lunch? Give it here. I’m starving.”
“Who cares what boobs are for?” Lila said. “This class is a major bore.”
“Have you forgotten about that skanky bitch from Big Mesa?” Jessica asked. “Do you want her and all the other a-holes from Big Mesa to think they’re better than us?” I bet Bruce Patman knows what boobs are for
Prom Baby! – Word count: 1,721
I’ve been inspired lately to write a sequel to Double Penetration, my 2007 NaNoWriMo parody of Sweet Valley High. Hopefully, it doesn’t suck.
One
Elizabeth Wakefield woke early to a bright and sunny Monday morning. Like every other day in her hometown of Sweet Valley, California, this day promised to be full of endless fun, an irrationally complex misunderstanding or two, and the ever-present threat of kidnapping or date rape. Let’s get going on this sick, twisted ride
Read the whole story here
I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but here’s an easier way to read my NaNo ‘07 novel, “Double Penetration,” without the navigation/formatting issues presented by blogging. Click here to read the whole story
Domestic violence is not funny (unless it’s happening to Jessica Wakefield)
“Look, if there’s something specific that you have to tell me about him, go ahead. Otherwise, shut up.”
“He’s arrogant and self-centered. He’ll hurt you.” (SVH #3, Playing With Fire, p. 35)
Jessica looked away, avoiding her twin’s penetrating gaze. The truth was that Bruce had already hurt her. Elizabeth, observant as she was (being a real reporter and all), had failed to notice that the bruises Jessica had been coming home with weren’t the result of a Lila-orchestrated fall from a cheerleading pyramid. No, they were the result of Bruce Patman’s anger, a terrifying force Jessica had first witnessed when she’d made fun of the Patman family fortune.
“Honestly, Bruce,” she’d laughed while they were headed to the beach in his Porsche, “who even buys Patman’s Peaches?”
“Everyone buys Patman’s Peaches,” Bruce growled in defense of his father’s successful canning business.
“Well, I don’t,” Jessica said. Of course, that’s because I don’t eat, she thought, sneaking a glance at herself in the side mirror. As usual, she looked perfect.
“What do you buy, the store brand?” Bruce asked, snorting in disgust.
“No!” Jessica gasped, horrifed. “We’re not, like, poor, you know.”
“You’re poor to me,” Bruce said, raising his voice in anger. “Patman’s Peaches bought the Porsche you’re sitting in right now, and Patman’s Peaches bought you that broke-ass weave, and Patman’s Peaches bought you the thong you seem to enjoy showing off to everyone in Sweet Valley when you cheer at the football games!”
And with that, Bruce slapped Jessica across the face.
Double Penetration – Word count: 50,028
A loud series of bumps and moans starting coming from upstairs, causing the giant, cut-glass chandelier in the living room to sway. It glittered as it shook, scattering prismlike points of light across the room. Lila looked up at it nervously.
“Jesus, is that your sister?” Bruce asked, his eyes straying upward to the ceiling. His facial expression was a mixture of wonder, surprise and lust.
“You know Jessica!” Elizabeth exclaimed with a laugh. She shook her head. “She always has to be the center of attention.”
“Yeah, but does she have to do it all over my wing of the house?” Lila said, making a face. “I’m probably going to have to throw away a mattress or two. And if she breaks that chandelier, I’m going to murder her. Do you know how much that cost?” More twisted perfection inside
Double Penetration – Word count: 47,441
“So, what did you think?” Jayden asked Jessica after the film was finished and the lights were brought back up. He took her hand and looked deep into her eyes.
“It was absolutely fabulous,” Jessica squealed. “You’re such a brilliant filmmaker. And I’m so incredibly hot – how could you have gone wrong?”
“We do make a good team, Jessica Wakefield,” Jayden said, giving her a soft punch on the arm.
It was as if she’d been knocked back into reality from her reverie of being ridiculously rich and famous. Jessica looked around for her twin. “Where’s Elizabeth?” she asked, sounding a little worried.
“I don’t know,” Jayden replied. “I was too busy watching pieces of hot young ass get it on to really pay attention to where she and Bruce went.” More twisted perfection inside
Double Penetration – Word count: 46,241
Jessica leaned her head dreamily on Jayden’s shoulder as they slow-danced. “This has been the best birthday ever,” she said, sighing with happiness.
“Jessica Wakefield,” Jayden said with astonishment, “do you mean to tell me that of the twenty-five previous seventeenth birthdays you and Elizabeth have celebrated, this one is the best?”
“The absolute best,” she said sincerely.
“Well, it’s about to get even better,” Jayden said, holding her close.
“I don’t know if that’s even possible!” Jessica declared.
“Oh, it’s possible,” Jayden said. “I have a surprise for you.”
Jessica stopped dancing with Jayden and stepped back, excited. Maybe he was going to give her some expensive jewelry! Diamonds, probably, Jessica thought with conviction. Or maybe he’s even going to buy me a new car! The Fiat is getting kind of dated and gross. I guess Lizzie can have it, though. I’m generous like that! More twisted perfection inside
Double Penetration – Word count: 44,228
“What have you got there, Lizzie?” Jessica asked, bounding into Elizabeth’s room. “A birthday present?”
“It’s from Bruce,” Elizabeth said, eyeing her sister suspiciously as she regarded the dress.
“I want it,” Jessica said, making a grab for the dress. Elizabeth quickly snatched it out of Jessica’s reach.
“Well, you can’t have it,” Elizabeth said. “You have your own boyfriend. He can buy you a dress for the party.”
“No fair!” Jessica cried, flopping down on Elizabeth’s bed. She extended a tanned leg to gently kick her sister.
“Stop it,” Elizabeth said, giggling. “Or else I’m going to have to break out the pillows for a pillow fight!”
“That’s so juvenile,” Jessica said with disgust. “We are grown women now. We have blossomed. And until ‘Skanks Gone Stupid’ puts out a Wakefield Twins Pillow Fight edition, we will do no such thing.” More twisted perfection inside
