Prom Baby! – Word count: 22,205
“I heard there’s some shit going down at Big Mesa tonight,” Steven said, pulling out the chair next to Elizabeth and flopping into it. “Boy, that long drive’s really got me beat.”
“There is some shit going down at Big Mesa tonight,” Mrs. Wakefield said excitedly. “And I think you should go. Make sure you take Elizabeth with you.”
“How do you know about the Big Mesa raid?” Elizabeth asked.
“Word travels fast when you sleep with high school girls,” said Steven, who was in a long-distance relationship with Cara Walker, who had been in the twins’ junior class at Sweet Valley High. She had since moved to London, but as Cara was a notorious gossip, she somehow managed to still know all the intricacies of life at Sweet Valley High and relay them to Steven. Shit’s about to get real. OK, not really
Prom Baby! – Word count: 20,277
Elizabeth’s jaw dropped.
“I know it’s a lot to ask,” Todd said quickly. “But you’re the only person at school who knows what’s really going on between me and Ken. And you’re a really special friend. It would mean so much to us if you would do it.”
“Todd, I’m really flattered, but I can’t,” Elizabeth said sincerely. “You know what, though? I’m sure Enid would be happy to help out.”
“Does that mean either Ken or I would have to stick our … in Enid?” Todd made a face. “Oh, no. God, no.” Enid is HAWT
Prom Baby! – Word count: 18,291
“OK, got it,” Amy said. “It’s a bit dusty. I don’t think we’ve ever had a teen pregnancy in Sweet Valley before.” Amy sneezed. “It’s from the 1950s, so I’m not sure how much good it will do.”
“I’m sure it will be fine,” Elizabeth said encouragingly.
Amy began to read in a halting, monotone voice. “So you just found out you’re going to be an unwed mother? What to do? Luckily, the woman of today has several options. You can fall down the stairs, or take a knitting needle–”
“Amy, stop,” Elizabeth said, cringing. “I’m not going to hurt my baby. There’s something else I have to tell you. I think my baby is the second coming of Christ.” WUT??
Prom Baby! – Word count: 16,521
Elizabeth was trying to concentrate on her article, but there was no way she could keep her thoughts together. Not with everything that was on her mind. She sat alone in the cool confines of The Oracle office and let her mind wander.
I have to know who the father is, she thought. There’s got to be a way to find out.
Her anal-retentive streak kicking in, Elizabeth abandoned her article and made a methodical list in her notebook.
Mr. Collins, she wrote at the top. He can’t be the father; his withdrawal timing is impeccable.
Todd Wilkins: Gay. And we only had sex once, so he could prove to himself he didn’t like vagina. And I guess he didn’t, because it took him FOREVER to get off. Is it Bruce? Jeffrey? Winston? God?
Prom Baby! – Word count: 14,383
“Everyone in this school is pregnant,” Jessica fumed to Lila before school on Monday. “Everyone but me.”
“Don’t look at me,” Lila said. “My kid’s on order from Africa.”
“I mean, have you seen Rosa Jameson?” Jessica said. “She’s had five kids since last week.”
“We had a cleaning lady with the same problem,” Lila said soberly. Jessica whines some more
Prom Baby! – Word count: 12,711
* * *
Elizabeth awoke with a start. Her sleep had been fitful; she’d tossed and turned the whole night. But the dream she’d had was so vivid, it seemed almost as if it had been real. Elizabeth had had prophetic dreams before. Last time, it was about a psychotic killer who looked just like the twins but with dark brown hair and had a penchant for knives. Elizabeth lay in bed and shuddered with fear, thinking about crazy Margo, who had tried to kill her and take over her identity. And then Margo had a twin, and SHE tried to kill us! Elizabeth thought. What are the fucking chances of that?
But this dream had been different, Elizabeth reminded herself. It was full of hope.
Elizabeth was in her room, putting the finishing touches on her teen pregnancy article, when an angel appeared to her. Oh, shit
Prom Baby! – Word count: 10,094
* * *
“Well, I can assure you, no baby will ever come out of my vag,” Lila said, idly flipping through an issue of Ingenue magazine as she lay across her four-poster bed. “Do you know how much plastic surgery would be required to put it back together?”
“A lot,” Jessica admitted, gesturing with one of the pregnancy books. “But those Big Mesa bitches can’t afford plastic surgery. So I guess they’re all loose and shit.”
Lila shuddered. “Let’s not even talk about Big Mesa vag. Everyone knows Sweet Valley High girls have much better cooches, anyway.” BTW, Palisades cooch is even lower class
Prom Baby! – Word count: 8,091
“Oh, just hold them,” Jessica snapped, handing off her books to Lila, who accepted them with disdain. Jessica dug around in her purse for a barrette and finally located one at the bottom, dusty and covered in crumbs. “I hate these things,” she muttered, snapping it into place over her left ear and turning so Lila could get the full effect. “Now do I look like Liz?”
Lila frowned. “Try to look a little more condescending.” Jessica gave Lila the side-eye. “Much better,” Lila said. Lila needs to cut a bitch
Prom Baby! – Word count: 6,660
“We still didn’t find out what boobs are for,” Jessica said thoughtfully, chewing on a french fry. “Hey, Liz, aren’t you going to eat that brownie?” She reached over and snagged the fudge-covered brownie off Elizabeth’s tray. “Aren’t you going to eat any of your lunch? Give it here. I’m starving.”
“Who cares what boobs are for?” Lila said. “This class is a major bore.”
“Have you forgotten about that skanky bitch from Big Mesa?” Jessica asked. “Do you want her and all the other a-holes from Big Mesa to think they’re better than us?” I bet Bruce Patman knows what boobs are for
Prom Baby! – Word count: 4,751
“I could say the same for Sam Woodruff,” Lila snapped. John was still a touchy subject with her; he had once tried to show her his junk up at Miller’s Point, a popular spot for Sweet Valley High students to park their cars and practice sexual restraint.
“Don’t get all bent out of shape, Lila,” Jessica said, breezing through several dresses on the sale rack. She held up a strapless pink gown. “What do you think about this one?”
Lila eyed the dress critically and shrugged. “It’s all right, if you want to look like you live in a split-level ranch on Calico Drive,” she said, rolling her eyes. But it has a Spanish-tiled kitchen
