Prom Baby! – Word count: 22,205
“I heard there’s some shit going down at Big Mesa tonight,” Steven said, pulling out the chair next to Elizabeth and flopping into it. “Boy, that long drive’s really got me beat.”
“There is some shit going down at Big Mesa tonight,” Mrs. Wakefield said excitedly. “And I think you should go. Make sure you take Elizabeth with you.”
“How do you know about the Big Mesa raid?” Elizabeth asked.
“Word travels fast when you sleep with high school girls,” said Steven, who was in a long-distance relationship with Cara Walker, who had been in the twins’ junior class at Sweet Valley High. She had since moved to London, but as Cara was a notorious gossip, she somehow managed to still know all the intricacies of life at Sweet Valley High and relay them to Steven. Shit’s about to get real. OK, not really
Prom Baby! – Word count: 20,277
Elizabeth’s jaw dropped.
“I know it’s a lot to ask,” Todd said quickly. “But you’re the only person at school who knows what’s really going on between me and Ken. And you’re a really special friend. It would mean so much to us if you would do it.”
“Todd, I’m really flattered, but I can’t,” Elizabeth said sincerely. “You know what, though? I’m sure Enid would be happy to help out.”
“Does that mean either Ken or I would have to stick our … in Enid?” Todd made a face. “Oh, no. God, no.” Enid is HAWT
Prom Baby! – Word count: 14,383
“Everyone in this school is pregnant,” Jessica fumed to Lila before school on Monday. “Everyone but me.”
“Don’t look at me,” Lila said. “My kid’s on order from Africa.”
“I mean, have you seen Rosa Jameson?” Jessica said. “She’s had five kids since last week.”
“We had a cleaning lady with the same problem,” Lila said soberly. Jessica whines some more
Prom Baby! – Word count: 10,094
* * *
“Well, I can assure you, no baby will ever come out of my vag,” Lila said, idly flipping through an issue of Ingenue magazine as she lay across her four-poster bed. “Do you know how much plastic surgery would be required to put it back together?”
“A lot,” Jessica admitted, gesturing with one of the pregnancy books. “But those Big Mesa bitches can’t afford plastic surgery. So I guess they’re all loose and shit.”
Lila shuddered. “Let’s not even talk about Big Mesa vag. Everyone knows Sweet Valley High girls have much better cooches, anyway.” BTW, Palisades cooch is even lower class
Prom Baby! – Word count: 8,091
“Oh, just hold them,” Jessica snapped, handing off her books to Lila, who accepted them with disdain. Jessica dug around in her purse for a barrette and finally located one at the bottom, dusty and covered in crumbs. “I hate these things,” she muttered, snapping it into place over her left ear and turning so Lila could get the full effect. “Now do I look like Liz?”
Lila frowned. “Try to look a little more condescending.” Jessica gave Lila the side-eye. “Much better,” Lila said. Lila needs to cut a bitch
Prom Baby! – Word count: 6,660
“We still didn’t find out what boobs are for,” Jessica said thoughtfully, chewing on a french fry. “Hey, Liz, aren’t you going to eat that brownie?” She reached over and snagged the fudge-covered brownie off Elizabeth’s tray. “Aren’t you going to eat any of your lunch? Give it here. I’m starving.”
“Who cares what boobs are for?” Lila said. “This class is a major bore.”
“Have you forgotten about that skanky bitch from Big Mesa?” Jessica asked. “Do you want her and all the other a-holes from Big Mesa to think they’re better than us?” I bet Bruce Patman knows what boobs are for
Prom Baby! – Word count: 4,751
“I could say the same for Sam Woodruff,” Lila snapped. John was still a touchy subject with her; he had once tried to show her his junk up at Miller’s Point, a popular spot for Sweet Valley High students to park their cars and practice sexual restraint.
“Don’t get all bent out of shape, Lila,” Jessica said, breezing through several dresses on the sale rack. She held up a strapless pink gown. “What do you think about this one?”
Lila eyed the dress critically and shrugged. “It’s all right, if you want to look like you live in a split-level ranch on Calico Drive,” she said, rolling her eyes. But it has a Spanish-tiled kitchen
Prom Baby! – Word count: 3,183
Elizabeth guided the Jeep into another spot and Jessica flung open the door, jumping out before Elizabeth could even put the car in park. She ran off to catch up with Robin.
“Hey, Liz!”
As Elizabeth stepped out of the Jeep, she turned to see her best friend, Enid Rollins, running across the parking lot toward her. Enid was average-looking at best and had a meth problem she liked to keep on the down low, but her personality was just boring enough to make Elizabeth seem exciting by comparison. More twisted perfection
A ho is a ho
“Have you heard the news about Ronnie and Enid?” Cara whispered, catching sight of Ronnie standing over by the fireplace. Gossip was gossip, as far as she was concerned. It didn’t much matter who the target was. (SVH #2, Secrets, p. 55)
Lila sniffed. “You mean that they broke up because she and some dumb boyfriend she used to have ran over some kid when they were high and didn’t even kill him?”
“You know what else I heard?” Jessica asked, dropping her voice to a whisper.
“What?” Cara asked, excited to grab any piece of information she could get on the situation.
“Enid used to sell her body to support her habit!” Jessica declared dramatically.
Lila recoiled in horror. “What?” she screeched. “Who would pay to get with that?“
Jessica shrugged. “I don’t know,” she answered. “Anyway, Lila, you, of all people, should understand.”
“Please,” Lila said, sticking her nose in the air. “You know I don’t just indiscriminately give hand jobs in dark alleys for smack. I’m strictly a high-class call girl.”
Double Penetration – Word count: 50,028
A loud series of bumps and moans starting coming from upstairs, causing the giant, cut-glass chandelier in the living room to sway. It glittered as it shook, scattering prismlike points of light across the room. Lila looked up at it nervously.
“Jesus, is that your sister?” Bruce asked, his eyes straying upward to the ceiling. His facial expression was a mixture of wonder, surprise and lust.
“You know Jessica!” Elizabeth exclaimed with a laugh. She shook her head. “She always has to be the center of attention.”
“Yeah, but does she have to do it all over my wing of the house?” Lila said, making a face. “I’m probably going to have to throw away a mattress or two. And if she breaks that chandelier, I’m going to murder her. Do you know how much that cost?” More twisted perfection inside
